How to Remain Friends with Your Ex

Try to be honest right now – how many exes continue to be your friends? Despite what TV tells you about relationships, staying friendly with ex-partners is a feat that very few of us manage to accomplish. After all, unsuccessful relationships leave a lot of hurt feelings and hits to self-esteem in their wake.

Even if you want to remain amicable, the cliched phrases like “You’re perfect. It’s all my fault” don’t help much. More than 60% of ex-partners don’t communicate after they break up. For some people, the fact that 40% do communicate and perhaps even continue to like each other is more surprising. How do they do that? Here are 6 tips to get you on the right track.

Have you considered yourselves friends before you started dating?

If there’s something besides your relationship that unites you, it is easier to return to that. You know how to be pals already. You’ll just have to return to that stage again. Just try to avail falling into a casual sex-with-friends thing unless you are absolutely confident you can handle it.

Has your split up been generally amicable?

You can’t really talk about staying friendly if you hated them by the end of your relationship. Not much can be salvaged if someone cheated or if the relationship has been abusive. It is also notable that statistically, men are less likely to stay civil to their exes if it was them who initiated the split.

Some break ups happen for reasons outside of the couple’s control 

Perhaps, you still really like each other, but one partner has to move for a job and can’t handle a long-distance relationship. People in such situations still like each other and can even rekindle their love later on.

Was your dating satisfying overall?

A happy couple in a relationship guarantees that the people involved will continue being nice to each other. However, in situations like that, it is never clear why people broke up at all.

Do you have a supporting family?

People with a strong support system, whether it is family, friends or something else are stronger, psychologically speaking, and are less likely to focus on negative feelings that can ruin a friendship. It also helps if members of the support system still like and approve of the ex-partner.

Are you a member of the LGBTQIA community?

Studies have shown that gay people are more likely to stay friendly after they break up. Perhaps, the reason for this is the homosexual community being very close knit, or perhaps, the strong bond is caused by the constant external heteronormative pressure. In any case, being queer helps to manage former relationships.

Becoming friends with your partner after the relationship has ended is not even remotely easy, but it can be done if this is what you want to do. There are some factors that increase your chances, but the most important contribution to remaining on good terms is being mature about the whole thing and not letting bad feelings fester. Hopefully, these questions have helped you figure some essential things out for yourself!

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